I can tuck mytits in my pants
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
try to milk me bitch
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