windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
