Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
