Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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