The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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