I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
