One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
