So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize