Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
