your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
