have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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