Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
