talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
