Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
