i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize