i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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