Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
