the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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