not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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