So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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