i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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