I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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