Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
