He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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