he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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