Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
