she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
