I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
