i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
