Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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