Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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