I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
