what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
