My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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