If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
