Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
