You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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