Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize