my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
