Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All the doctor said was why
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
