k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
