Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
