i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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