After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize