You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
false alarm, still single
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
