I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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