and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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