And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
