whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
