Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
