I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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