I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize