Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
