no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize