just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
