Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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