I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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