Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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