why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I touched a dick in church today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
