You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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