I cannot find my penis.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
