For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
