I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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