The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
