the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
