you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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