I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
