I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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